Tag: WOMEN

Posted in Marital

To the busy men and women in a relationship

Posted on by Kofi Tutu

Relationships and Marriages are going to require you to sacrifice your time to communicate and be with the one your say you love.

If you are not ready to make out time for your partner then you are not ready for a relationship or marriage.

Some of you are known to use the word
I am too busy,
I forgot.
You are not understanding that my work takes a lot from me.

These are beautiful excuses but they are worthless. The truth is that we all are busy with life in one way or another but we make out time for what is important to us.

You are busy but you take your bath.
You are busy but you still have time to eat.
You are busy but you still chat.
You are busy but you still wash your clothes.
You are busy but you still sleep.
You are busy but you still hang out with some other friends.

It’s only when it comes to your relationship that you are busy and still busy, even very busy that you can’t make out few minutes to talk to your partner over the phone, leave them a voice note, send a text or even clear some of your schedules and plan a hangout.

Let me tell you this for free until you are ready to make your partner a priority in your life then you are not ready for a relationship or marriage.

Marriage is a full-time job on its own. So if you can’t sacrifice time and other things now in your relationship to be with your partner then you are not ready to make that union work therefore stay away until you are ready.

As a guy, don’t spend months chasing a lady, calling her morning, afternoon, and night but when she finally says yes then you start claiming you are so busy to call or chat.

As a lady don’t keep that guy waiting for a yes and at the same time you call and chat but the moment you agree then you start claiming to be busy.

And to you who is suffering from this right now listen up.

Nobody, i mean not even a single soul is too busy for what they love.

Anybody that really loves you will make out time for you.

If you are not talking at least two times a day and they call you an attention seeker then you are in trouble. They are not passionate about you.

I understand the concept of being an attention seeker but you are not if you hardly talk to each other. You are just demanding for your fundamental relationship right of communication.

(Side note: you are an attention seeker when you are now a pest. You want to talk every minute and second of the day like you don’t have a life of your own outside that relationship. But aside from this, you are not doing anything wrong).

Also know when you leave a sure relationship because of your mental health.

So to you out there claiming busy, just be honest with yourself and with your partner if you truly love them.

If you don’t love them then let them go so they can meet who loves them but if you really love them then learn how to make out time for them.

Work on your time management skill and you will enjoy a better relationship and marriage.

Cheers.

Personal development and Relationship Coach
Profit Eneh

Posted in Marital

Why some women and men are not happy in their marriage

Posted on by Kofi Tutu
  1. THEY MARRIED FOR THE WRONG REASONS
    Either because they got pregnant, they got pressured, they did it to fit in society, for money, to please their parents or out of pity or obligation to the one they married. The why of getting married will always catch up with you. Love is what will not only keep you married but also keep you fulfilled in marriage. If you did marry for the wrong reasons, be determined to grow love
  2. THEY DIDN’T COUNT THE COST
    Before you venture into anything, make sure you understand what you’re getting into. Many don’t measure their expectations well. Marriage will not always be easy, sometimes there will be storms; that is why it requires commitment. If you don’t prepare yourself, the storms will overwhelm you
  3. THEY ARE CONTROL FREAKS
    People who always have to have their way, things always have to be done as they want or who always have to win will not enjoy marriage. Being a control freak will make it hard for your spouse to live and build with you. Marriage will not always dance to your tune. Marriage needs team work
  4. THEY HAVE TURNED MARRIAGE INTO A GENDER BATTLE
    People who approach marriage from the angle of their being men’s roles vs women’s roles will turn their marriage into a battle between them and their spouse. They will easily detach themselves when they feel an area in their marriage is not their role, leading to keeping scores in order to prove who between husband and wife is doing better and who is wrong. Marriage is about oneness. He fails, she fails; she succeeds, he succeeds. Marriage is not a clash of him vs she
  5. LACK OF PRAYER
    Marriage is God’s idea so why do it without God? Oh what peace we often forfeit, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer
  6. THEY HAVE TURNED MARRIAGE INTO A COMPETITION
    Before there was Keeping up the Kardashians, there was Keeping up with the Joneses which was a phrase coined to mean the desire to keep up with your neighbour. Many married people are like this. They are competing with other marriages or playing catch up. They see their neighbour has bought a second car, so they buy a second car too merely to show they are capable too. They take loans, pile up their debt, buy unnecessary things, buy unnecessary gifts for their children just so that they feel at par with their contemporaries. Any marriage that lacks a solid identity will fall for this trap. This rat race leads to unhappiness and a meaningless marriage
  7. THEY ARE INSECURE
    When you are insecure, you feel that your position is always under threat. This gets its roots from having a low self-esteem. Insecurity will make you feel you are not good enough hence the need to stamp your authority and prove your worth. This is why some men beat up their wives, this is why some find themselves telling their spouse “You don’t know who you’re messing with”, “Do you know who I am?”, “Leo utajua mimi ni nani”. Insecurity will make you suspect your spouse and accuse your spouse falsely. Insecurity will make you worry, become over protective choking your spouse’s social life and space. It will make you a snoop, waiting for your spouse to slip up in order to validate your paranoia. Your worth will constantly be on trial; leading to no peace
  8. THEY ARE RIGID
    Marriage, life is a journey. If you are too uptight, you will not fully live out life’s adventure. Stop living such a scripted life, stop living in a box. Because of this, many have a pathetic sex life in marriage, they feel life is boring and feel caged. Be open sexually, laugh, dance, take risks with your spouse, go for a drive, travel, go out on dates, do embarrassing stuff, stop being so polished, play games, have fun
  9. THEY COPY-PASTE
    Each marriage is unique and has its own story. When you try and force your marriage to be like that of your role models, mentors, friends, celebrity icons, parents; you and your spouse will be frustrated. Yes, learn the principles that make any marriage work but find your pattern, style and story as a couple
  10. THEY HOLD GRUDGE
    In marriage, you will be wronged by your spouse and you too will fall short sometimes, this is because marriage is a process of growth as you both become better. If you fail to forgive your spouse, holding a grudge, constantly reminding your spouse of his/her past wrongs; the climate between you two will be cold and pathetic. Why would you cloud the marriage you are a part of for life? Forgive. Move on from issues. Don’t keep opening up old wounds
  11. TOO MANY VOICES
    When you listen and live by too many voices you will never be at peace. You have no voice of your own but get manipulated by others. Your mom tells you this, your friends tell you that, rumors making you feel a certain way, your close friends say you do this. Why are you letting your marriage be run by outsiders? Why are you being a puppet in your marriage controlled by people who think they know what is best for you and your spouse?
  12. LACK OF AGREEMENT
    Every marriage will face the same issues. The strong couples are the wise ones who as husband and wife, they agree on how they will handle those issues: Finances, work, in-laws, communication, children and such. Sometimes it is not that your spouse is insensitive, lazy or difficult; it is just that you two have not agreed on how to handle issues. When the agreement is clear, loving and teamwork is easier. Come to this agreement when things are good between you two and as you grow along. Don’t wait for crisis to bring you to the table of agreement. How can two walk together unless they agree?
  13. THEY SEPARATE PARENTHOOD FROM MARRIAGE
    Don’t succeed in being a great parent yet fail as a spouse. You, your spouse and children live in one house; act as a family. When you are a great spouse, it translates to a loving home where the child/children feel safe, surrounded by love and secure. When you are a great parent, that should bring you and your spouse more together. Find a balance
  14. THEY COVET OTHER MARRIAGES
    There is no way you will belittle your marriage and praise the marriage of others and expect to be happy in your marriage. When you look at other couples and complain to your spouse why your marriage is not like theirs; essentially you are undermining your own and making your spouse feel unappreciated. It has nothing to do with the grass being greener on the other side, other people’s marriages are none of your business; work on your own
  15. THEY ENTERTAIN DISTRACTIONS
    Don’t flirt with other people, entertain their advances, emotionally cheat on your spouse by leaning on others; then expect to be happy in your marriage. Invest all your effort, emotions and creativity in your marriage. Even pornography is a form of distraction; you lust after bodies and sexual experiences with strangers that slowly mislead your desires from your spouse. Your marriage will grow according to how you feed it or deteriorate according to how you starve it
  16. THEY ARE UNWILLING TO LEARN
    Love is a learning process. Marriage will teach you many lessons. Marriage will present to you opportunities to be a better person, to learn how to be more loving, how to listen, how to give, how to apologize. If you are full of pride you will never learn, you will never grow, you will never be fulfilled in marriage

© Dayan Masinde and Akello Oliech

Posted in General News

Why many women are not happy in their marriages

Posted on by Kofi Tutu

Why is your woman not happy with you? Why is she easily angry, irritable, depressed, frustrated and very bitter towards you? Why did she lose respect for you in marriage? Why is she so emotionally, hates sex and lost her charm?

  1. YOU DON’T APPRECIATE HER: Some men are perfect complainers and critics. They believe praising a woman will make her head swell and misbehave, even when she s slaving to death, they will rather attack, abuse, complain, criticize than appreciate her. If you are that type of man, you can never have a happy woman under your roof. A simple “Thank you”,” You are doing a great job”, “It’s great having you in my life” will do a great magic and turn your marriage around. Learn to appreciate your wife when she goes out of her way to please you. She will be happy and that gloom in your marriage will automatically disappear.
  2. YOU DON’T LISTEN TO HER: We are communication beings. I mean women love to talk, be listened to and well understood. When you are too busy to communicate with her, look into her eyeball and let her know she is the most important person to you after God, you will have a frustrated, depressed wife. We understand you can be so busy and needs time to unwind and think, yes! We know but don’t make a habit of ignoring your wife. She needs to talk to her daily.
  3. YOU CHEAT ON HER: Double dating is not allowed in courtship, if you cheat on her, she will end it. Chasing side chicks, having emotional/sexual chats with other women may make your wife lose her mind. No wife will ever be happy with an adulterer. Stop it now and work on your marriage or you may end up divorced.
  4. YOU DON’T ADMIRE HER: Some men will look at their very beautiful wife, acknowledge her beauty and attractiveness but to open their mouths and say it is big problem. Some men need to be taught how to admire their women. Learn to open your mouth and tell your wife she’s beautiful daily. No man out there should do that for you, it’s your job. Admire her when she makes effort to look good for you. Admire her hair, body and natural endowments. Admire her uniqueness. Open your mouth and tell her. Women need to hear this as often as possible. Any time hubby tells me I’m so beautiful, well endowed and irresistible, I can’t help blushing. My day is made!
  5. YOU RUSH IN AND OUT KF SEX: Little or no foreplay will leave her dry and uninterested. Rushing in and rushing out of sex is a killer of sexual intimacy in marriage. Learn to be romantic. Be patient with her, take things slowly till she is ready for intercourse. Do not roll over and sleep when it is over. Pull her in your arms. Let her sleep in your arms. There is nothing as blissful as sleeping in my husband’s arms, let your wife sleep in your arms.
  6. YOU DON’T ASSIST WITH CHORES
    You sit in front of TV with remote in hand and a tooth pick in between your teeth while your wife is slaving in the kitchen, changing diapers, helping your kids with assignment, answering phone calls from clients, sweeping the apartment, preparing for the next day work. That’s very bad. Your wife works as much as you do if not more. Learn to assist your woman at home. Don’t turn her to your maid, don’t watch her die of stress, don’t make her look older than you.
  7. YOU COMPARE HER WITH OTHER WOMEN. That’s a shame. If you love her the way those women’s husbands love them, she will be more virtuous than them all. Stop comparing your wife with women you don’t know their weaknesses. If their husbands tell you their other side they have been enduring you will thank God for yours. The grass always look greener on the other side. Stop being covetous. Work on your marriage and have a better wife.
  8. YOU CORRECT HER IN PUBLIC: Nothing embarrasses a woman more like her husband correcting or shouting at her in public. It is demeaning and very babyish. Every form of correction should take place in the house before stepping out and if at all you must correct as a matter of urgency, call her aside and speak to her softly, maturely and discreetly. You will earn her honour for protecting her image, she will respect you more and be happy with you.
  9. YOU LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER AGAINST HER
    This is wrong. You are not joined to your mother but your wife. You are not one with your mum but your wife. Some men don’t understand the language of leaving and cleaving. You leave every form of emotional intimacy with your parents and bond with your wife. You should talk first to your wife not your mum when making decisions. Both of you should speak with one voice to your mum. Some men even leave the home running of their marriage to the mother and treat their wives like slaves in her marriage. No woman will ever be happy with you in that kind of arrangement -never!
  10. YOU DON’T TAKE FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILIES
    How can a woman ever be happy with a husband who spends all his money on himself and his extended family members and little or nothing on his wife and children. These men appear nice, very generous, philanthropic outside but inside, the woman is suffering, hungry and indebted. The rent is in arrears, children are sent home for school fees, debtors are harass to to bless him, but the tears of the wife and children are cursing him. Your wife’s curse will work faster than all the supposed blessings you expect from your eye service. Charity begins at home. Your wife and children are more important than others. Take care of them first before taking care of outsiders. When your family is happy, well fed and clothed, they will be happy and bless you. People will bless you for helping you. God will also bless you abundantly.

Learn to put first things first. When your wife is happy with you, your life will run smoothly, doors of favour will open to you and you will increase in health, wealth and prosperity.

Do not make your wife unhappy, it will affect your marriage.

May the good Lord help you go be the best husband in the world to your wife. You will not fail in Jesus’ name.

Thanks for reading. God bless you. Cheers!
© Seun Oladele, 2019.

Posted in General News

WOMEN LOVE PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION:

Posted on by Kofi Tutu

Gentlemen, a woman loves being loved not just in private, but in public too. She looks out for those public gestures that confirm to her “Indeed, this man loves me”, public gestures such as:-

  1. HOLDING HER ARM OR HAND WHILE WALKING
    This demonstrates you are not ashamed to be seen cozy with her
  2. INTRODUCING HER BY HER TITLE
    Don’t introduce her to friends, family or the public by just her name, but as ‘This is my woman/wife’. This makes her secure as her position in your life is made public
  3. TELLING HER I LOVE YOU IN PUBLIC
    When she tells you she loves you in public, don’t nod or just smile or say ‘Me too’.. say ‘I love you’ back. And don’t always wait for her to tell you, you declare it to her publicly first sometimes. Often a woman will tell her man ‘I love you’ when they are in public or when he’s speaking to her on phone and he is with people to test if he will say ‘I love you’ just like he says in private
  4. KISSING HER IN PUBLIC
    Giving her a public kiss on the cheek, lips or forehead to say ‘Hello’, ‘Goodbye’ or for any reason says ‘I love my woman and I am not bothered if the world sees or knows it’
  5. HOLDING HER WAIST WHILE STANDING
    This shows closeness between you two, you know she allows only you to hold her there
  6. PULLING UP A CHAIR AND OPENING THE DOOR FOR HER
    This is for when you are out on dates, it shows you are making effort to treat her as special and the world better take notice
  7. PUTTING A RING ON IT
    If you like it put a ring on it; correction, if you love her put a ring on her finger. An engagement ring from you is a way of telling the world ‘That’s my wife in waiting, keep off, handle with caution’
  8. STATING THAT YOU ARE TAKEN
    It is important that you clearly state it publicly that you are a taken man, act like a man who is not available. Don’t flirt around, don’t give an impression that you are free to mingle. Even on Facebook, state that you are in a relationship, engaged or married to so and so
  9. LIKING AND COMMENTING ON HER FACEBOOK POSTS
    Each time she posts a photo of herself on social media or she posts something, it will mean alot if you notice, more so, if you like, and especially if you drop a comment in the view of the community of Facebook friends
  10. PUTTING A PROFILE PICTURE OF HER
    Put a profile picture of her or of you two together once in a while on Facebook or Whatsapp and you will see how she will feel special because the world gets to see you elevating her to honor
  11. MARKING YOUR TERRITORY
    If another man comes to charm your woman, roar, make your presence felt, give him a look that says ‘Not this one’
  12. PUBLICLY PROTECTING HER
    If your family or friends or your ex tries to unsettle her, that is not for her to fight; you come to her defense and make sure she gets to see you publicly by her side
  13. LETTING HER WALK THE A SIDE THAT IS AWAY FROM TRAFFIC
    When you two are walking, you be the one to walk closer to the passing cars. Yes, she is a grown woman, but show a gesture that you are her protector
  14. SHOWING UP ON HER SPECIAL OCCASIONS
    On her birthday, her promotion party, house warming, graduation or any ocassion she invites others; show up to support her and be by her side
  15. MARRYING HER
    This is the greatest public display of love, you entering a covenant with her before God and the world professing your love and commitment
  16. WEARING HER RING
    The wedding ring she placed on your finger when you got married, never take it off. It is a daily public display saying you are a proud husband to a wife you love

Love is not just what you do with her in private, it’s what you do to her and for her when others are watching!

© Dayan Masinde