Tag: men

Posted in Marital

The kind of Men aChristian Woman Should not Marry

Posted on by Kofi Tutu

Don’t settle for less than God’s best. Too many Christian women today have ended up with the wrong person because impatience pushed them into an unhappy marriage. Please take my fatherly advice: You are much better off single than with the wrong guy!

Speaking of “wrong guys,” here are the top 10 men you should avoid when looking for a husband:

  1. THE UNBELIEVER:
    Please write 2 Corinthians 6:14 on a Post-it note and tack it on your computer at work. It says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (NASB). This is not an outdated religious rule. It is the Word of God for you today.
    Don’t allow a man’s charm, looks or financial success (or his willingness to go to church with you) push you to compromise what you know is right. “Missionary dating” is never a wise strategy. If the guy is not a born-again Christian, scratch him off your list. He’s not right for you. I’ve yet to meet a Christian woman who didn’t regret marrying an unbeliever.
  2. THE LIAR:
    If you discover that the man you are dating has lied to you about his past or that he’s always covering his tracks to hide his secrets from you, run for the nearest exit. Marriage must be built on a foundation of trust. If he can’t be truthful, break up now before he bamboozles you with an even bigger deception.
  3. THE PLAYBOY:
    I wish I could say that if you meet a nice guy at church, you can assume he’s living in sexual purity. But that’s not the case today. I’ve heard horror stories about single guys who serve on the worship team on Sunday but act like Casanovas during the week. If you marry a guy who was sleeping around before your wedding, you can be sure he will be sleeping around after your wedding.
  4. THE DEADBEAT:
    There are many solid Christian men who experienced marital failure years ago. Since their divorce, they have experienced the Holy Spirit’s restoration, and now they want to remarry. Second marriages can be very happy. But if you find out that the man you are dating hasn’t been caring for his children from a previous marriage, you have just exposed a fatal flaw. Any man who will not pay for his past mistakes or support children from a previous marriage is not going to treat you responsibly.
  5. THE ADDICT:
    Churchgoing men who have addictions to alcohol or drugs have learned to hide their problems—but you don’t want to wait until your honeymoon to find out that he’s a boozer. Never marry a man who refuses to get help for his addiction. Insist that he get professional help and walk away. And don’t get into a codependent relationship in which he claims he needs you to stay sober. You can’t fix him.
  6. THE BUM:
    I have a female friend who realized after she married her boyfriend that he had no plans to find steady work. He had devised a great strategy: He stayed home all day and played video games while his professional wife worked and paid all the bills. The apostle Paul told the Thessalonians, “If anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either” (2 Thess. 3:10). The same rule applies here: If a man is not willing to work, he doesn’t deserve to marry you.
  7. THE NARCISSIST:
    I sincerely hope you can find a guy who is handsome. But be careful: If your boyfriend spends six hours a day at the gym and regularly posts closeups of his biceps on Facebook, you have a problem. Do not fall for a self-absorbed guy. He might be cute, but a man who is infatuated with his appearance and his own needs will never be able to love you sacrificially, like Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25). The man who is always looking at himself in the mirror will never notice you.
  8. THE ABUSER: Men with abusive tendencies can’t control their anger when it boils over. If the guy you are dating has a tendency to fly off the handle, either at you or others, don’t be tempted to rationalize his behavior. He has a problem, and if you marry him you will have to navigate his minefield every day to avoid triggering another outburst. Angry men hurt women—verbally and sometimes physically. Find a man who is gentle.
  9. THE MANCHILD: Call me old-fashioned, but I’m suspicious of a guy who still lives with his parents at age 35. If his mother is still doing his cooking, cleaning and ironing at that age, you can be sure he’s stuck in an emotional time warp. You are asking for trouble if you think you can be a wife to a guy who hasn’t grown up. Back away and, as a friend, encourage him to find a mentor who can help him mature.
  10. THE CONTROL FREAK:
    Some Christian guys today believe marriage is about male superiority. They may quote Scripture and sound super-spiritual, but behind the façade of husbandly authority is deep insecurity and pride that can morph into spiritual abuse. First Peter 3:7 commands husbands to treat their wives as equals. If the man you are dating talks down to you, makes demeaning comments about women or seems to squelch your spiritual gifts, back away now. He is on a power trip. Women who marry religious control freaks often end up in a nightmare of depression.

If you are a woman of God, don’t sell your spiritual birthright by marrying a guy who doesn’t deserve you. Your smartest decision in life is to wait for a man who is sold out to Jesus.

J. Lee Grady

Posted in Marital

To the busy men and women in a relationship

Posted on by Kofi Tutu

Relationships and Marriages are going to require you to sacrifice your time to communicate and be with the one your say you love.

If you are not ready to make out time for your partner then you are not ready for a relationship or marriage.

Some of you are known to use the word
I am too busy,
I forgot.
You are not understanding that my work takes a lot from me.

These are beautiful excuses but they are worthless. The truth is that we all are busy with life in one way or another but we make out time for what is important to us.

You are busy but you take your bath.
You are busy but you still have time to eat.
You are busy but you still chat.
You are busy but you still wash your clothes.
You are busy but you still sleep.
You are busy but you still hang out with some other friends.

It’s only when it comes to your relationship that you are busy and still busy, even very busy that you can’t make out few minutes to talk to your partner over the phone, leave them a voice note, send a text or even clear some of your schedules and plan a hangout.

Let me tell you this for free until you are ready to make your partner a priority in your life then you are not ready for a relationship or marriage.

Marriage is a full-time job on its own. So if you can’t sacrifice time and other things now in your relationship to be with your partner then you are not ready to make that union work therefore stay away until you are ready.

As a guy, don’t spend months chasing a lady, calling her morning, afternoon, and night but when she finally says yes then you start claiming you are so busy to call or chat.

As a lady don’t keep that guy waiting for a yes and at the same time you call and chat but the moment you agree then you start claiming to be busy.

And to you who is suffering from this right now listen up.

Nobody, i mean not even a single soul is too busy for what they love.

Anybody that really loves you will make out time for you.

If you are not talking at least two times a day and they call you an attention seeker then you are in trouble. They are not passionate about you.

I understand the concept of being an attention seeker but you are not if you hardly talk to each other. You are just demanding for your fundamental relationship right of communication.

(Side note: you are an attention seeker when you are now a pest. You want to talk every minute and second of the day like you don’t have a life of your own outside that relationship. But aside from this, you are not doing anything wrong).

Also know when you leave a sure relationship because of your mental health.

So to you out there claiming busy, just be honest with yourself and with your partner if you truly love them.

If you don’t love them then let them go so they can meet who loves them but if you really love them then learn how to make out time for them.

Work on your time management skill and you will enjoy a better relationship and marriage.

Cheers.

Personal development and Relationship Coach
Profit Eneh

Posted in General News

Video: I’m gay, I prefer men like John Dumelo – Pappy Kojo

Posted on by Kofi Tutu

Jason Gaisie, popularly known as Pappy Kojo, a Ghanaian hip hop and hiplife recording artist, has claimed on the Showbiz 360 programme on TV3, that he is a homosexual.

Asked by host of the programe Giovani Caleb on Friday February 19 whether or not he was joking with the comment, he insisted with all seriousness that he is gay.

Pappy Kojo further told Giovani that he prefers men like actor John Dumelo

“I am a homosexual man,” he said when told about rumours indicating that he is currently dating a popular female musician. He said in reaction to a question by Giovani about his alleged relationship with Yvonne Nelson.

“Is that a joke?” Giovani asked him but he answered “No, it is not. I am gay bro. I am into men”

“What is your kind of man? He was asked again.

In answer, he said “Men like John Dumelo.”

When his attention was drawn to the fact that laws of the land do no permit such act, he retorted ”You can’t change it.”

Meanwhile Giovani believed he was joking with these comments which come at a time issues about Lesbian, Gay, Bisexuals, Transgender and Queer Individuals (LGBTQI) have dominated discussions on the airwaves after Minister-designate for Gender, Children and Social Protection, Sarah Adwoa Sarfo has expressed disapproval over the legalisation of homosexuality in the country.

The Dome Kwabenya lawmaker during her vetting by the Appointments Committee of Parliament said “The issue of LGBTQI is an issue that when mentioned creates some controversy but “what I want to say is that our laws are clear on such practices. It makes it criminal.

“On the issue of its criminality, it is non-negotiable on the issue of cultural acceptance and norms too. These practices are also frowned upon,” she stated emphatically.

Director of LGBTQI+ Rights in Ghana, Alex Kofi Donkor, has asked Ghanaians to look at issues relating to LGBTQI, as human right issues.

He told TV3’s Miriam Osei Agyemang on the Mid day news on Friday February 19 that persons who are identified as LGBTQI are verbally and physically attacked in the country

This, he said, must stop because they have fundamental human rights that must be respected and protected by the society.

Explaining the reasons behind the setup of an LGBTQI office in Ghana, he said “We created an office space where we talk about issues which affect us as community and ways in which we can resolve the issues.

“Let me quickly say in this country a lot of times we do experience a lot of violence and abuse that are perpetuated towards people who are identified as LGBTQI or people who are perceived as LGBTQI persons. When these violence are perpetuated against such people it goes unattended to, people do that with impunity.”

Dr. Vladimir Antwi Danso, Dean of Academic Affairs at the Ghana Armed Forces Command and Staff College, has urged Ghanaians, especially those in authority to be emphatic in the resistance of the LGBTQI phenomenon in the country.

He expressed his apprehension on the heels of the LGBTQI establishing an office in the country in an interview with Alfred Ocansey on News 360 on TV3, Thursday February 18.

Dr. Danso emphasized the position that “any international organization can support any other entity in any other country but that does not confer diplomatic immunity to persons who are going to use this facility, so if any Ghanaian is there doing anything, only Ghanaian laws apply to such personality. If any foreigner is patronizing the place his immunity inures from the diplomatic immunity according to the international conventions we know in Vienna. They can’t claim immunity just because the facility belongs to gays, lesbians, and that kind of thing”.

He shares the view that such avenues are subtle ways of influencing the cultural norms and security of a sovereign society like Ghana with a potential international consequence for the country.

“Ghana has not officially accepted LGBTQ and that kind of thing as an official position that we recognize it as a Human Rights thing, and therefore going further to have this thing established has repercussions not necessarily from government to government level repercussion but the general security implications, when I say security I’m talking about the broad sense security, I mean what is this?” he fumed.

Source:3news.com

Posted in Marital

Poison that kills men

Posted on by Kofi Tutu

Once upon a time a beautiful girl got tired of her marriage life and wanted to murder her spouse.

One morning she ran to her mother and say to her ” mother, I am tired of my husband I can no longer support his nonsense. I want to kill him but I am afraid Law of the land will hold me responsible, can you please help me mother?”

The mother answered:

  • Yes my daughter I can help you, but, there is a little task attached.

The daughter asked “what task? I am willing and ready to assume any task attached in order to get him out”

OK, said the mother,

1..You will have to make peace with him, so that no one will suspect you when he is dead.

2.. You will have to beautify yourself in order to look young and attractive to him

3.. You have to take good care of him and be very nice and appreciative to him

4.. You have to be patient, loving and less jealous, have more listening ears, be more respectful and obedient

  1. Spend your money for him and don’t get angry even when he rto give you money for whatever
  2. Don’t raise your voice against but encourage Peace and love so that you will never be suspected when he must have died.

Can you do all of that?
Asked the mother.
Yes i can. She replied
OK, said the mother.

Take this powder and pour a bit in his every day meal, it will slowly kill him.

After 30 days the lady came back to her mother and said.

Mother, I have no intention of killing my husband again. As of now I have grown to love him because he has completely changed, he is now a very sweet husband than I ever imagined.

What can i do to stop the poison from killing him?

Please help me mother.

She pleaded in a sorrowful tone.

The mother answered;
Do not worry my daughter. What I gave you the other day was just Tumeric Powder. It will never kill him.

In reality, you were the poison that was slowly killing your husband with tension and dispassion.

It was when you started loving, honouring and cherishing him that you saw him change to a nice and sweet husband.

Men are not really wicked, but our way of relating with them determines their responses and feelings towards us.

Women if you can only show respect, dedication, love, care and commitment to your husband he will 100% be there for you.

Posted in Marital

Why some women and men are not happy in their marriage

Posted on by Kofi Tutu
  1. THEY MARRIED FOR THE WRONG REASONS
    Either because they got pregnant, they got pressured, they did it to fit in society, for money, to please their parents or out of pity or obligation to the one they married. The why of getting married will always catch up with you. Love is what will not only keep you married but also keep you fulfilled in marriage. If you did marry for the wrong reasons, be determined to grow love
  2. THEY DIDN’T COUNT THE COST
    Before you venture into anything, make sure you understand what you’re getting into. Many don’t measure their expectations well. Marriage will not always be easy, sometimes there will be storms; that is why it requires commitment. If you don’t prepare yourself, the storms will overwhelm you
  3. THEY ARE CONTROL FREAKS
    People who always have to have their way, things always have to be done as they want or who always have to win will not enjoy marriage. Being a control freak will make it hard for your spouse to live and build with you. Marriage will not always dance to your tune. Marriage needs team work
  4. THEY HAVE TURNED MARRIAGE INTO A GENDER BATTLE
    People who approach marriage from the angle of their being men’s roles vs women’s roles will turn their marriage into a battle between them and their spouse. They will easily detach themselves when they feel an area in their marriage is not their role, leading to keeping scores in order to prove who between husband and wife is doing better and who is wrong. Marriage is about oneness. He fails, she fails; she succeeds, he succeeds. Marriage is not a clash of him vs she
  5. LACK OF PRAYER
    Marriage is God’s idea so why do it without God? Oh what peace we often forfeit, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer
  6. THEY HAVE TURNED MARRIAGE INTO A COMPETITION
    Before there was Keeping up the Kardashians, there was Keeping up with the Joneses which was a phrase coined to mean the desire to keep up with your neighbour. Many married people are like this. They are competing with other marriages or playing catch up. They see their neighbour has bought a second car, so they buy a second car too merely to show they are capable too. They take loans, pile up their debt, buy unnecessary things, buy unnecessary gifts for their children just so that they feel at par with their contemporaries. Any marriage that lacks a solid identity will fall for this trap. This rat race leads to unhappiness and a meaningless marriage
  7. THEY ARE INSECURE
    When you are insecure, you feel that your position is always under threat. This gets its roots from having a low self-esteem. Insecurity will make you feel you are not good enough hence the need to stamp your authority and prove your worth. This is why some men beat up their wives, this is why some find themselves telling their spouse “You don’t know who you’re messing with”, “Do you know who I am?”, “Leo utajua mimi ni nani”. Insecurity will make you suspect your spouse and accuse your spouse falsely. Insecurity will make you worry, become over protective choking your spouse’s social life and space. It will make you a snoop, waiting for your spouse to slip up in order to validate your paranoia. Your worth will constantly be on trial; leading to no peace
  8. THEY ARE RIGID
    Marriage, life is a journey. If you are too uptight, you will not fully live out life’s adventure. Stop living such a scripted life, stop living in a box. Because of this, many have a pathetic sex life in marriage, they feel life is boring and feel caged. Be open sexually, laugh, dance, take risks with your spouse, go for a drive, travel, go out on dates, do embarrassing stuff, stop being so polished, play games, have fun
  9. THEY COPY-PASTE
    Each marriage is unique and has its own story. When you try and force your marriage to be like that of your role models, mentors, friends, celebrity icons, parents; you and your spouse will be frustrated. Yes, learn the principles that make any marriage work but find your pattern, style and story as a couple
  10. THEY HOLD GRUDGE
    In marriage, you will be wronged by your spouse and you too will fall short sometimes, this is because marriage is a process of growth as you both become better. If you fail to forgive your spouse, holding a grudge, constantly reminding your spouse of his/her past wrongs; the climate between you two will be cold and pathetic. Why would you cloud the marriage you are a part of for life? Forgive. Move on from issues. Don’t keep opening up old wounds
  11. TOO MANY VOICES
    When you listen and live by too many voices you will never be at peace. You have no voice of your own but get manipulated by others. Your mom tells you this, your friends tell you that, rumors making you feel a certain way, your close friends say you do this. Why are you letting your marriage be run by outsiders? Why are you being a puppet in your marriage controlled by people who think they know what is best for you and your spouse?
  12. LACK OF AGREEMENT
    Every marriage will face the same issues. The strong couples are the wise ones who as husband and wife, they agree on how they will handle those issues: Finances, work, in-laws, communication, children and such. Sometimes it is not that your spouse is insensitive, lazy or difficult; it is just that you two have not agreed on how to handle issues. When the agreement is clear, loving and teamwork is easier. Come to this agreement when things are good between you two and as you grow along. Don’t wait for crisis to bring you to the table of agreement. How can two walk together unless they agree?
  13. THEY SEPARATE PARENTHOOD FROM MARRIAGE
    Don’t succeed in being a great parent yet fail as a spouse. You, your spouse and children live in one house; act as a family. When you are a great spouse, it translates to a loving home where the child/children feel safe, surrounded by love and secure. When you are a great parent, that should bring you and your spouse more together. Find a balance
  14. THEY COVET OTHER MARRIAGES
    There is no way you will belittle your marriage and praise the marriage of others and expect to be happy in your marriage. When you look at other couples and complain to your spouse why your marriage is not like theirs; essentially you are undermining your own and making your spouse feel unappreciated. It has nothing to do with the grass being greener on the other side, other people’s marriages are none of your business; work on your own
  15. THEY ENTERTAIN DISTRACTIONS
    Don’t flirt with other people, entertain their advances, emotionally cheat on your spouse by leaning on others; then expect to be happy in your marriage. Invest all your effort, emotions and creativity in your marriage. Even pornography is a form of distraction; you lust after bodies and sexual experiences with strangers that slowly mislead your desires from your spouse. Your marriage will grow according to how you feed it or deteriorate according to how you starve it
  16. THEY ARE UNWILLING TO LEARN
    Love is a learning process. Marriage will teach you many lessons. Marriage will present to you opportunities to be a better person, to learn how to be more loving, how to listen, how to give, how to apologize. If you are full of pride you will never learn, you will never grow, you will never be fulfilled in marriage

© Dayan Masinde and Akello Oliech

Posted in World News

Audio:Mother forces daughter 11 into prostitution, gives her a target of 4-7 men a day each paying K10

Posted on by Kofi Tutu

Last Month I was connected to a women ,she sounded so depressed and sad on phone.She was panicking and in a state of confusion.

This girl is from one of the compounds in Zambia, after her father died, her biological mother forced her into prostitution at age 11 and made her into a sex slave.She forced her to sleep with 4-7 men a day and the men would pay k10 that they later used for food and other basic things. When I sat down with Grace (not real names) she told me she slept with so many men such that she lost count, she saw so many older men come into her mother’s home to sexually abuse her.

She had seen more men strip her naked and had seen so men Older men, married men, pastors, respected people in society sneak in at night parking big vehicles to come and sexually abuse her. Some would bring k10 and others would just sexually abuse her and escape.

She told me her worst experience was when she wanted to refuse, one man become like a demon and become extremely violent and wanted to strangle her, kicked her and Insulted her and spat on her saying she was just a chamber but her mother ignored all that and just continued watching TV all she wanted was the money. So i lay there with tears in my eyes as this man sexually abused me.
When her mother died of menegitis last year December she told me she was the happiest person alive.

At 15 years Grace is 3 months pregnant and HIV positive and is being treated for Syphilis. She is a strong girl and we thank God for everyone who came through and is coming through and is reshaping the life for this girl.

By Buumba Malambo, Child Activist