Tag: Courtship

Posted in Marital

Talk about money in courtship

Posted on by Kofi Tutu

Money is one of the leading causes of divorce world-wide! Not facing reality in courtship is preparing for grand divorce in marriage!

For all the ladies who keep singing, “Money does not matter in marriage, it is love that matters!” I hope you’ve read the Bible passages that said “Money answereth all things.” Jesus was so holy and pure, a miracle worker with a burning passion to liberate the world, yet he always had money! Judas Iscariot was his treasurer!

To all the ladies who say “only vision matters” when choosing a spouse, some divorced women said something stupid like that years before they got divorced!

Yes, vision matters. A man without vision is a disaster going some where to happen! Marry a man with vision! Yes, don’t run after money, neither should you date Yahoo Boys but your Landlord won’t hear stories after marriage neither would manna drop from heaven after honey moon!

Talk about money!

  1. How much do you both earn right now?
  2. How do you plan to increase your income to accommodate your growing family in marriage? What you earn at the beginning of marriage may not sustain you when kids start coming.
  3. How long do you want to earn salaries before starting your own business?
  4. How will your vision generate money to take care of family needs?
  5. Who will take care of bills in the home?
  6. Who will pay for feeding and clothing?
  7. What are your yearly financial goals for your marriage?
  8. How much will you send to your parents monthly?
  9. How much will you be saving every month?
  10. What will the savings be used for?
  11. How can you both work together on your vision to make financial profits?
  12. For those going into full time ministry, how will you feed, clothe your family and pay bills? Thoroughly discuss this and come to agreement before heading the altar!

Lack of financial agreement is the reason many marriages are in crises today.

You have lots of serious issues to trash out in courtship, you shouldn’t have time for sex for God’s sake! Do you understand what marriage is about at all?

Both of you should read books on understanding vision, financial freedom, goal setting and agreement in marriage, they will help a lot. Don’t yourself up for financial disappointment in marriage. Prepare well, so you won’t end up in shame! May the good Lord grant you understanding.

Thanks for reading. God bless you. Cheers!
© Seun Oladele (a repost).

Posted in General News

10 SIMPLE QUESTIONS YOU SHOULD ASK YOUR PARTNER IN COURTSHIP

Posted on by Kofi Tutu

  1. ARE YOU BORN AGAIN? So you can know if both of you have the same spiritual father – Jesus. If not, you are heading towards divorce! Or an head on collision with his father -satan!
  2. WHAT IS YOUR VISION? “I want to be a good staff in my company” is not a vision. “I plan to be a billionaire in dollars in the next 20 years by exporting cocoa to at least 10 foreign countries” makes sense. Or ” I want to be a philanthropist by taking care of widows, orphans and single mothers” Or ” I want to be a General Overseer of a great healing ministry in Nigeria” or ” I want to be the chancellor of a world best university in my country”. Make your vision clear. If it is clear, your partner will understand you and know how to position themselves to support, encourage and stand by you. If they don’t agree with your vision, end the relationship! There is no reason to get married to them at all.
  3. WHICH CHURCH WILL YOU BE ATTENDING AFTER WEDDING? If you hate his church and Pastor and you can never attend o for whatever reason on earth, end the relationship!
  4. HOW MUCH DO YOU EARN? Very important, so you can know how to plan on your finance and grow it.
  5. WHAT ARE YOUR FINANCIAL PLANS? No one should stay stagnant financially. If you are earning 50k right now, how do you intend to increase it? Will you work harder and seek promotions in your company, will you diversify, start a business, invest, etc. What type of business can you profitably invest in?
  6. HAVE YOU BEEN SEXUALLY ACTIVE IN THE PAST? You need to know so you can know what to expect on the wedding night and how to meet their sexual needs in marriage. Men who have been sexually active before can’t stand sexual boredom and routine in marriage.
  7. WHAT ARE YOUR SEXUAL EXPECTATIONS? Questions like this should be asked close to the wedding for people with very low resistance to mature sex talk. Do you believe in different sex styles, oral sex, using vibrator, etc so you can know how to position yourself sexually in marriage and meet their sexual needs.
  8. WHAT IS YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE? Some like to be touched, hugged, etc a lot. Some love gifts, if you love them, give them gifts, some want you to spend quality time with them, some want you to affirm, admire, compliment and appreciate them. Ask, so you do not build your marriage on ignorance.
  9. WHAT CAN I EVER DO THAT WILL MAKE YOU DIVORCE ME? We know God is against divorce but don’t do things that will make them think of booting you out of their lives. Ask them things they hate so you wont do them and put an end to your marriage! E.g not all men can take adultery from their wives and women can’t handle a man that physically assaults her. Talk!
  10. FAMILY PLANNING. How many children do you want to have within the space of how many years? You need to plan so you don’t start pumping out kids year in year out till the man runs away from home.

Talk! Courtship is for serious talking and planning towards your glorious future in marriage. There is no accidental success. What you don’t plan for you will never experience. Plan towards marital bliss and you will enjoy heaven on earth in your marriage.

Thanks for reading. God bless you. Cheers!
© Seun Oladele, 2019; reposted, 2021.

Photo credit: Bella Weddings.

Posted in General News

How Long Should A Courtship Last?

Posted on by Kofi Tutu

Courtship starts when a MATURED SINGLE MAN after a STRONG CONVICTION from GOD that a single lady is meant to be his wife decides to PROPOSE his INTENTION OF MARRIAGE to the lady and the MATURED SINGLE LADY also decides to ACCEPT his PROPOSAL after a STRONG CONVICTION from GOD that the man is meant to be her husband.

There are seven areas of preparation that every wise single person should put in place before going into a relationship or marriage.

*Spiritual Preparation

*Physical Preparation

*Financial Preparation

*Emotional Preparation

*Mental Preparation

*Social Preparation and

*Moral Preparation

Once you are ready to go into a relationship, you Should Not Operate Your Relationship As A Secret Cult. Your Pastor Or Your Mentor Should Know About Your Relationship. Both Parents Must Also Bless The Courtship. Courtship Should Not Be A Secret Affair If You Don’t Have A Hidden Agenda! If Your Partner Says You Must Not Tell Your Pastors, Mentors Or Parents About Your Courtship, There Is Fire On The Mountain! 😳☹️

If You Are Not Matured Enough To Go Into An Open Courtship, Then Don’t Go Into It! Avoid A Secret Courtship!

Courtship Should Not Be Less Than 6 Months and More Than 2 years Except Where There Is Parental Objection Or Financial Challenge!

Marriage is not what you rush into. Courtship Should Not Be Less Than 6 Months before you tie the knot.

Courtship is a period of serious discussion, assessment, learning, openness and pre-marital counselling. It is a period of knowing one another more intimately.

Scripturally, no time is specified. But based on counseling and personal experience, I advised that no courtship should be less than 6 months and more than two years except where there is sickness, parental objection or financial challenge.

If it is less than 6 months, there is a danger of not knowing each other at all before the wedding.

It is extremely dangerous to marry somebody you do not really know even if he says he is an apostle or she is a world evangelist. Do yourself and your destiny a favor by not getting married in darkness. People can pretend to be what they are not but if you are patient and prayerful, you will discover so many things about them.

Also, courtship should not be too long.
If courtship is too long, it can lead to sexual immorality because of too much exposure to each other, or it can be boring and if care is not taken it can lead to a broken relationship.

If you court for only a month or less, then, you will need God’s special grace in your marriage because, knowing each other will last almost a lifetime. While learning about each other takes time, you are better off when you know quite a lot about someone.

Although, it is not how long but how well.

I know of people who have gotten married very quickly (like in a matter of days) and are still married decades later—and people who did the same thing and were divorced just as quickly. Or, a couple may be “in a relationship” for a decade, finally get married, and then split up in the first year.

It really depends on the people involved, the reasons why they get married when they do and their preparation for a godly marriage.

Singles should spend more time in prayers for the right person for them, and give their time also to godly marital seminars, marriage books and counseling.

Similarly, singles in courtship should pray, fast and gather more knowledge from the Word, concerning His promises and commandments needed for a successful family life.

You will not miss it in marriage in Jesus name.

Pst Samuel Olagbenjo
Instagram: samuelolagbenjo

Admin
Marital Success Academy