Category: Marital

Posted in Marital

How cheating starts and creeps on you

Posted on by Kofi Tutu

The social media is making cheating super sweet and super fast!

Just one chat can land you in bed with only God knows who and hell!

Countless people including born again Christians cheat daily. Millions cheat world wide.

Cheating doesn’t start with sex. It starts with finding pleasure in someone who is not your spouse.

When you begin to compare them with your husband/wife, you are looking for trouble!

When you begin to look forward to chatting with them, calling and spending time with them, your marriage is already suffering and you need to fix it!

When you are beginning to give compliments you don’t give to your spouse to them, you are having emotional affair…

When butterfly flies around in your stomach while talking to them -you are in a strong emotional affair.

When you call them pet names or confess your “love” to them, you are in full blown emotional affair.

If you are flirting, sex chatting or doing sexy video calls, you are having mental/visual sexual affair.

If you are meeting in secrets and well…you actually had sex…sorry is your name!

It all starts with simple calls, compliments, chats that means “no harm” but leaves you gasping, yearning and desiring for more while you chat/ talk less to your spouse at home and you begin to drift apart emotionally and physically.

Because you are not omnipresent, you can’t be emotionally present in 2 relationships at same time.

One will suffer for one. Usually the marriage suffers!

In this 2021, if you don’t guide your heart, eyes and ears, you will be drawn into emotional affair before you even gather your wits together.

Don’t entertain opposite sex friendship! Your spouse should be your best friend. I don’t have any opposite sex friend. I have counsellees and mentees, not friends. Call me a fanatic, that is your business!

Don’t get emotional in your chat with the opposite sex. Keep your head clear when chatting.

Don’t respond to emotional messages, focus on the godly purpose of chats and stay on track. Refuse to deviate.

Be proud of your spouse and be conscious of their presence whenever you are conversing with the opposite sex.

NEVER have a chat/make calls you can’t show your spouse or tell your spouse about.

Have a time limit to calls/chats.

Do not chat/call when you are stressed, lonely or bored.

Never chat with them when you are horny.

Keep your marriage alive, hot, romantic and passionate.

Keep sex and intimacy alive in your marriage.

Keep the line of communication opened.

Make your spouse your best friend.

Be contented with your spouse!

Stop looking for what your spouse lacks. No one is perfect. No one has a perfect body/character.

Pray and fast regularly to discipline your flesh.

Spend time daily with the word of God and prayer.

Be heaven conscious.

You will not fall into adultery and other sins in Jesus’ name!

Say NO to adultery!

Say NO to emotional affair.

“Guide your heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life.”

You will not fall in Jesus’ name!

Thanks for reading. God bless you. Cheers!
© Seun Oladele, 2021.

Posted in Marital

Who should you marry?

Posted on by Kofi Tutu
  1. A Believer. As a Believer, You Must Marry A Born Again Christian John 3:3. A believer should marry a believer. An unbeliever should marry an unbeliever.

There is nobody that can love you in the true sense if the person has not genuinely given his/her life to Jesus. Your life could be at risk if you marry such a person

  1. He/She Must Be Of The Opposite Sex. Gay Marriage Is From The Pit Of Hell. The First Marriage Was Between A Man And A Woman Named ADAM And Eve, Not Between ADAM And Steve.
  2. He/She Must Be The Will Of God For You- Let God Lead You Before You Start A Relationship. Do not Lean On Your Own Understanding. Proverbs 19:14, Romans 8:14

One of the major ways to determine God’s will in marriage is through prayers. {Matt 26:41, 1 Thess 5:17} As soon as you are born again and getting mature for marriage, begin to pray
regularly for God to guide you. Do not take any step until you have prayed. The person proposing to you may be the most caring person you have ever seen but may also be an agent of
the devil sent to destroy your great destiny. God will guide you by his favour to the right partner if you act in obedience without gambling, or hustling on beauty, wealth, status, social or racial
dispositions.

  1. He/She Must Be Someone Who Accept Your Family: Anyone who claims to love you must accommodate the family you come from. It will be foolish of you to continue in courtship with someone who hates your family members. If he / she cannot
    extend the love he or she has for you to your family, then the acclaimed love is deceptive.
  2. He or She Must Be Someone Who Is Committed To The Word Of God Always And Do The Word Of God Not Just A Reader.
    He/She Must Be Someone Who Sees The Bible As The Final Authority

Stay away fromsomeone who flagrantly disregards God’s Word. Someone who smokes,drinks and/or commits immorality should not be considered at all formarriage. A Christian lady went ahead to marry a womanizer and alcoholicagainst my advice. She now regrets her decision because there have notbeen peace and joy in their marriage since they got married.

Marry a child ofGod! Don’t allow wrong people into your life if your dream is to be joyfully married. Never also go into marriage with the hope of changing your partner’s bad habits after wedding. Marriage may never change bad habits.

  1. He/She Must Be Someone You Are In Agreement With:
    You must complement and not contradict each other. If the relationship cannot give you peacenow because of your constant disagreements, it certainly cannot offer you one after your wedding. God cannot give you someone who will cause you high blood pressure or hypertension in marriage. It is better to break up a relationship with the wrong person than to head for disaster and tragedy in marriage. A broken courtship is better than a broken marriage.
  2. He/She Must Be A Man Or Woman Of Prayers. He/she prays without ceasing.
  3. He/She Must Be A Committed Member Of A Bible Believing Church
  4. He/She Must Be Someone Who Has Someone He/She Submits To Like A Pastor/Mentor.
  5. He/She Must Be Someone Who Fears God And Lives A Godly Life.
  6. He/She Must Be An Adult Not A Minor. He/she is mature physically, emotionally, intellectually, financially, socially and spiritually.
  7. You Must Be In Love With Him/Her. Never Force Yourself On Anybody. Getting married to someone who does not love you is the worst thing you can ever allow to happen to you. Forcing yourself on someone who does not love you is like sleeping with a snake.
  8. He/She Must Be In Love With You Too. Love is a choice. It is a decision. Don’t force anyone to love you. You may regret it for the rest of your life. If someone you love does not show any sign of interest or commitment after all your efforts to win his/her heart, let him or her go. Until you let go of the wrong person, you cannot find the right one.
  9. He/She Must Be Single Not Married Or A Divorcee. 1 Cor 7:10-11.
    God can never go against His word to lead you to marry a married man or woman whose spouse is still alive, as that will lead to polygamy. So any voice you hear instructing you to marry someone who is already married, can never be that of the SPIRIT OF GOD. Don’t obey it.God is not a home breaker. He is not an intruder. What God has joined together, let not man, (prophet, pastor, in-laws, sister, brother) put asunder.
  10. He/She Can Be A Christian Widow or Widower. 1 Cor 7:28
  11. He/She Can Come From Any Part Of The World. You Can Marry From Any Tribe As Long As He/She Is A Child Of God. Don’t Discriminate.
  12. He/She Must Possess The Fruit Of The Spirit. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23)
  13. He/She Must Have A Job Or A Source Of Income.
  14. He/She Must Be Someone Who Believes In “No Divorce/No Re-Marriage” Because Marriage Is A Lifetime Commitment.
  15. He/She Must Be Someone Who Believes In Your Dreams/Calling & He/she Is Ready To Support You.
  16. He/She Must Be Someone Who Believes In SEXUAL PURITY.
    Sleeping with a girl that has not been handed over to you in marriage is robbery and sleeping with a man who is not your husband is prostitution. Put a limit to your intimacy so that you won’t fall into sexual sins. Sex before marriage will expose you to unwanted pregnancy, STDs, HIV/AIDS and turn you to the enemy of God. Many singles have jeopardized the hope of a glorious future by falling into sexual sins. Don’t join them.

May you not make a marital error in Jesus name

Thank you for reading! God bless you

Posted in Marital

Dear Searching Bachelor

Posted on by Kofi Tutu

Dear searching Bachelor, while you wait, you develop yourself.

While you’re waiting for the right lady, be the right man. A wife is made before wedding; a good husband too is made before wedding.

Study lots of materials on marriage, finance management, child training, how to love your wife, how to treat in-laws.

Do everything necessary to build your capacity. Maximise your singleness.

You must understand that being the head of the home is not like being a commander of a barrack. Learn how you will treat your wife with love and your children with understanding.

You must remember that you will be an husband, a father, a mentor, a guardian, a shepherd and many more at the same time.

Avoid stubbornness
Find a good paid work
Know to manage people, and deal with your issues.

Sir, there is nothing manly about the idea that the kitchen is your wife’s exclusive ministry; you must be ready to help her in house chores.

Don’t scatter things around in the house and expect the woman to come and arrange it. If you do that, is that not wickedness?

Dear men, please drop all these old school ideas that hinder love and unity in the house.

A real man is not someone who shouts and barks at his wife and children; a man is one who leads his children by right example and gently mentors his wife too.

Dear men, when your wife raise a good point, don’t let your pride make you shout her down. You both own the home, build together.

Learn how to love and listen to all her stories your wife. However, don’t think that she wants you to solve them all the time; because most times, she just wants you to listen.

As men, you may have sex anytime, but she feels more at ease when there is effective communication.

Don’t fight your wife, don’t give her the silent treatment; it hurts.

Take your time, develop yourself, be a man-a real man.

Be responsible, patient, understanding and always listen well.

Now you want to marry… Ask your self the following questions:
Hope you can listen to her?
Hope she believes in your dream?
Hope you love and adore the Lord enough to love her?
Hope both of you have the same faith and beliefs?
Hope you are prudent enough to manage your home financially?
Hope you are complimentary and not lazy?
Hope you are a good forgiver?
Hope you are not a lousy man?
Hope you are a strength to her?
Hope you rightly complement each other?

Determine that you won’t quarrel over or stupid things like where you press the tooth paste or not. Don’t change the divine order of love and respect. Be a good bread winner.

Wear gentleness, patience and love as a clothe, it’s your protection in days of trouble.

Be assured that you do not know all things; so, learn to listen.

Determine that you won’t leave her doubting where your love stands. Some times, her mind will deceive her into thinking you don’t love her anymore, be a real man and always tell her you love her. It is called ‘affirmation of love’

Lead by firm but gentle influence of right example.
Never be a barracks commander at home.

Dress well, don’t cause her shame.

Manage your finances well, because owing people all about is not a sign of responsibility.

There’s so much to learn as a single man who is still searching. I beg of you, use your single hood wisely.

Learn all you can now, pray all the prayers now. Your marriage must make sense!

My marriage must make sense, what about you?

dearsearchingbachelor

mymarriagemustmakesense

marriagesense

© ‘2019’
23:41 GMT +1
9th February, 2019
Olumide A. Soremekun

Photo credit: Facebook

Posted in Marital

How to Identify a Wrong (Toxic) Relationship

Posted on by Kofi Tutu

A relationship is said to be wrong, not because you’re not in love, but because you’re entangled in a friendship that’s killing you softly. Many have been trapped in a relationship that seems rosy, but they’re oblivious of the harm it’s doing to their life.

When Eve shared a few moments with the devil, she never knew it was a relationship that would send her out from the garden that God has kept them. But as a smart guy that he is, the devil made her see how the tree is “good” for food, “pleasant” to the eyes, and one that is to be desired to make one “wise.”

Can you see that? Please note those words in quotation marks. That’s how many wrong or toxic relationship appears, but a few months or years after, the damage won’t be redeemable.

It is better to quit a wrong relationship now, than for you to leave it when you’d have a scar. Truthfully, God will forgive you, but the scar wouldn’t be erasable.

Are you in the wrong relationship? Here’s how you can identify one if you don’t know.

  1. It reduces you spiritually

The first agenda of every wrong or toxic relationship is that it draws you away from God, and brings you closer to hell.

If you now give him more attention than God, you’d be gradually disconnected from Him till you’re lost in sin. If she demands that you spend more time with her, remember what happened to Samson, he slept the sleep of death until they came to pluck out his eyes.

A bad relationship would reduce your commitment to God, such as your devotion to Him and His work. You’d think more of him or her than to concentrate on God when you should.

  1. You’d suffer verbal abuse

No relationship, I mean, no relationship is worth humiliating you verbally. You shouldn’t be spoken to by anyone anyhow, whether in anger or as a habit if you truly know your worth.

A person who abuses you verbally can’t change if his or her understanding hasn’t been aligned properly to respect you. All this name-calling, body shaming, the use of foul languages or vulgar words is an indication that you’re in a wrong relationship.

  1. You’re living as married couples when you’re single

Call it couple’s life, cohabitation, boyfriend and girlfriend, or what have you are destructive relationships. It is never God’s plan for you to jump a phase in your life. God will never give you “double promotion” to excuse you from a phase of life you must pass through.

All that you failed to learn when you should be single will be a carryover when you eventually settle down to marry, but with regret in the long run.

Line must be upon line and precepts upon precept. There’s time to be in a relationship, and there is a time when it is very good that you should be alone.

You can’t stay in the wrong relationship and would expect to marry the right person or enjoy what a blissful relationship is, you must quit; and I say that without an apology.

  1. Dating married persons

For all I care, you should know that that’s a wrong relationship. You don’t need a prophet to say, “Thou saith the Lord.” You know why?

You’re sowing something that you’d reap later. Whether the Law of Karma is real or not, one thing I’m sure of is that God cannot be mocked and whatever you sow, you’ll surely reap. If you’re the reason why a man or woman misbehave in their matrimony, you’d harvest what you sow.

Don’t be the reason why a man is not faithful to his wife. Don’t share warmth with another man’s wife.

  1. It would take a toll on your financial life

One sad thing about a wrong relationship is that you’d keep spending unprofitably. It is good to give in a relationship, but it’s weird to give at the expense of your life. It isn’t love to use your school fees to help anybody, it’s called stupidity of the highest order.

When he knows that you can give to a fault, you’d be taken advantage of. When she knows that you give blindly, you’ll become her ATM. And that would drain you financially.

  1. It keeps you focused on pleasure rather than pursue your divine purpose

Any relationship you keep, whether you sugarcoat the name or not, and doesn’t prioritize the discovery of your divine purpose, but esteems the pursuit of pleasure to its maximum point would destroy you.

Those who haven’t discovered their divine purpose are not living, they’re only existing.

If you pursue pleasure so much in your relationship, it would ruin your useful life. Remember, the usefulness of youth is in their youthful life, and if all your youthful life is spent on the pursuit of frivolity, what would be the order of your life when old age sets in?

See, you can never be forever young. Every one of us would one day obey the laws of diminishing returns. Your pointed breast would sag one day or that handsomeness that becomes your focal point will fade. It is what you pursue in life that matters.

If you pursue pleasure – youthful lust – there’s a reward, and if you pursue your divine purpose, you’d have a greater reward with a life that’s exempted from the tragedies of the youthful life, especially of those who are void of understanding.

If you still read all these and scorn the truths in it, well, don’t say you haven’t been told. The year is still fresh. Set your life in order and quit any wrong or toxic relationship you carried over into this new year. Don’t be emotional about your decision.

A wrong relationship has no benefit than to destroy you; if not now, the destruction would come in the nearest future.

Selah

© Oluwamayowa Adeniyi 2021

Posted in Marital

DON’T TAKE RELATIONSHIP ADVISE FROM THESE TYPES OF PEOPLE

Posted on by Kofi Tutu

  1. A BITTER PERSON
    Someone who is hurt will most likely not be objective, their advice is often skewed as they are speaking from a place of bitterness which tends to make things personal and cloud good judgment
  2. A SEXIST
    This person elevates one gender above the other and say things like “Women are always like that, you have to teach your wife a lesson”, or “Men are dogs, show your husband you have power too”. Love will not thrive where there is sexism because love requires understanding between genders
  3. A FRIEND WHO IS INTERESTED IN YOUR SPOUSE
    This friend will keep painting your spouse in bad light so that you two break up and he/she gets a chance to be with your spouse
  4. AN EX WHO HASN’T GOTTEN OVER YOU
    This person will keep showing you how they can love you better than the one you are with. He/she will give advice that will suit their end game
  5. A FRIEND WHO DISREPECTS YOUR SPOUSE
    Those friends who disrespect your spouse should not be entertained. They will poison your mind and make you see you spouse as your enemy or as worthless
  6. A DOMINATED MOTHER
    If you are a woman and your mother is a dominated woman in marriage whose voice has been silenced, most likely she will give you advice telling you to tolerate and also to lose your voice because according to her, silence and suppression is the woman’s portion (mwanamke ni kuvumilia)
  7. SOMEONE WITH DIFFERENT VALUES THAN YOU
    Their advice will not be in line with your values. In fact, your spirit will not agree with it
  8. A PASTOR WHO IS DICTATORIAL
    This kind of a pastor will want to manipulate you and make you feel you are the child of the devil if you don’t obey his/her orders. This pastor will impose decisions on you that suits him/her and takes pleasure out of micro managing your marriage
  9. A PLAYER
    A player will incite to also play on your partner to make himself/herself feel vindicated and supported in doing wrong
  10. A JEALOUS PERSON
    A jealous friend or family member will want to ruin the good relationship you have and so will put negative ideas in your mind to mess it
  11. A LOST FATHER
    As a man, if your father mistreats your mother, has little to admire him for interms of his character and is lost, honour him but discern the quality of his advice. He might teach you how to mistreat your wife because he doesn’t know any better
  12. A BIASED PERSON
    Someone who is biased towards you, a certain tribe or who looks up to you because of your career success will find it difficult to give balanced advice

Be careful who you give audience to. Bad advice destroys marriages

© Dayan Masinde