Why foreplay is important

Posted on March 20, 2021 by Kofi Tutu

Foreplay is the act of flirting, fondling, licking, kissing, rubbing or visually teasing your spouse in a sexual manner. It is the activity that happens before sexual intercourse. It is important because…

It hardens his penis more. When foreplay is done right, the man’s hardness is more intense and can’t help but release lots of precum which makes sexual intercourse sweeter. It makes the hardness last longer too
It makes her really wet. When she is sufficiently wet, she enjoys his penis inside her more surrounded by her lubrication, he enjoys being inside her more because it makes the in and out rhythm smoother
It shows care, that you are not just thinking about your sexual needs
It encourages reciprocation, this is because when your spouse prepares you, you naturally feel the need to prepare him/her too
It makes you discover new things about your spouse. This is because foreplay allows you two to play around with other parts of each other’s body beyond the penis and the vagina. The body has alot of secrets waiting to be explored
It communicates love. Foreplay shows that it is more than just sex, you build a connection
It heights the stimulation. Pleasure varies in degree. Foreplay makes the feeling more intense
It builds up the power of the climax. If you want a powerful climax, build it up with foreplay, don’t rush into it
It gives you time to get your spouse in the mood. Not every time you are in the mood your spouse will be in the mood too, foreplay invites your spouse to want you as much as you want him/her
It can lead to climax. Yes, when the foreplay is good, it can lead to climax without any sexual intercourse. Introducing you two to a variety of pleasure

Source:Gnews.com

Marital

Why it is important to solve issues quickly in marriage

Posted on March 20, 2021 by Kofi Tutu

To enjoy sleep. Sleep is a struggle when you are not in good terms with your spouse
To prevent your spouse or yourself from being tempted into an affair. Most affairs start in moments of offense, when you are mad at your spouse or your spouse is mad at you and an outsider gives you a shoulder to lean on OR gives your spouse a shoulder to lean on
To prevent a small issue from growing into bigger issues or complications. Any unresolved matters morphs into huge threats that will be harder to solve
To show your spouse that you value what you two have. How much you value your marriage will be seen in how quick you solve matters
For the sake of peace at home. The home is the one place you should come to find peace. The biggest impediment to peace at home is unresolved issues
For the sake of the children. You cannot parent children in a healthy way if you two are at war
To prevent you two from drifting apart. Each day that goes with you two not talking to each well you two drift apart
To train your reconciliation muscle. Reconciliation is a practice you constantly need to teach yourselves if you want to have a strong marriage
To focus on more important things such as investing together, raising children well, touching lives and fulfilling purpose. You can’t do all these in an environment of offense
To prevent misinterpretations and assumptions. When you two are not in good talking terms, you read too much into each other’s words and actions, assuming the worst, thus giving birth to new issues
To prevent yourselves from resenting each other. As long as you two don’t reconcile, you are giving room to resentment. Soon, you will both start to despise each other and offense will lead to more offense
To protect your intimacy. Your emotional, physical and sexual intimacy will be destroyed if you two remain mad at each other. Offense brings loneliness, sexual frustration, alcoholism and porn addiction. Many married are looking for escapes because their marriage has issues. Sometimes your spouse will not want to make love to you, not because he/she is having an affair but because of offense
So that you two can fulfil the vision of your marriage. You will not walk in agreement if you don’t see eye to eye. Don’t destroy everything you two have built and were meant to build
So that you two don’t end up divorcing due to irreconcilable differences
© Akello Oliech and Dayan Masinde

Marital

The kind of Men aChristian Woman Should not Marry

Posted on March 14, 2021March 14, 2021 by Kofi Tutu

Don’t settle for less than God’s best. Too many Christian women today have ended up with the wrong person because impatience pushed them into an unhappy marriage. Please take my fatherly advice: You are much better off single than with the wrong guy!

Speaking of “wrong guys,” here are the top 10 men you should avoid when looking for a husband:

THE UNBELIEVER:
Please write 2 Corinthians 6:14 on a Post-it note and tack it on your computer at work. It says, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (NASB). This is not an outdated religious rule. It is the Word of God for you today.
Don’t allow a man’s charm, looks or financial success (or his willingness to go to church with you) push you to compromise what you know is right. “Missionary dating” is never a wise strategy. If the guy is not a born-again Christian, scratch him off your list. He’s not right for you. I’ve yet to meet a Christian woman who didn’t regret marrying an unbeliever.
THE LIAR:
If you discover that the man you are dating has lied to you about his past or that he’s always covering his tracks to hide his secrets from you, run for the nearest exit. Marriage must be built on a foundation of trust. If he can’t be truthful, break up now before he bamboozles you with an even bigger deception.
THE PLAYBOY:
I wish I could say that if you meet a nice guy at church, you can assume he’s living in sexual purity. But that’s not the case today. I’ve heard horror stories about single guys who serve on the worship team on Sunday but act like Casanovas during the week. If you marry a guy who was sleeping around before your wedding, you can be sure he will be sleeping around after your wedding.
THE DEADBEAT:
There are many solid Christian men who experienced marital failure years ago. Since their divorce, they have experienced the Holy Spirit’s restoration, and now they want to remarry. Second marriages can be very happy. But if you find out that the man you are dating hasn’t been caring for his children from a previous marriage, you have just exposed a fatal flaw. Any man who will not pay for his past mistakes or support children from a previous marriage is not going to treat you responsibly.
THE ADDICT:
Churchgoing men who have addictions to alcohol or drugs have learned to hide their problems—but you don’t want to wait until your honeymoon to find out that he’s a boozer. Never marry a man who refuses to get help for his addiction. Insist that he get professional help and walk away. And don’t get into a codependent relationship in which he claims he needs you to stay sober. You can’t fix him.
THE BUM:
I have a female friend who realized after she married her boyfriend that he had no plans to find steady work. He had devised a great strategy: He stayed home all day and played video games while his professional wife worked and paid all the bills. The apostle Paul told the Thessalonians, “If anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either” (2 Thess. 3:10). The same rule applies here: If a man is not willing to work, he doesn’t deserve to marry you.
THE NARCISSIST:
I sincerely hope you can find a guy who is handsome. But be careful: If your boyfriend spends six hours a day at the gym and regularly posts closeups of his biceps on Facebook, you have a problem. Do not fall for a self-absorbed guy. He might be cute, but a man who is infatuated with his appearance and his own needs will never be able to love you sacrificially, like Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25). The man who is always looking at himself in the mirror will never notice you.
THE ABUSER: Men with abusive tendencies can’t control their anger when it boils over. If the guy you are dating has a tendency to fly off the handle, either at you or others, don’t be tempted to rationalize his behavior. He has a problem, and if you marry him you will have to navigate his minefield every day to avoid triggering another outburst. Angry men hurt women—verbally and sometimes physically. Find a man who is gentle.
THE MANCHILD: Call me old-fashioned, but I’m suspicious of a guy who still lives with his parents at age 35. If his mother is still doing his cooking, cleaning and ironing at that age, you can be sure he’s stuck in an emotional time warp. You are asking for trouble if you think you can be a wife to a guy who hasn’t grown up. Back away and, as a friend, encourage him to find a mentor who can help him mature.
THE CONTROL FREAK:
Some Christian guys today believe marriage is about male superiority. They may quote Scripture and sound super-spiritual, but behind the façade of husbandly authority is deep insecurity and pride that can morph into spiritual abuse. First Peter 3:7 commands husbands to treat their wives as equals. If the man you are dating talks down to you, makes demeaning comments about women or seems to squelch your spiritual gifts, back away now. He is on a power trip. Women who marry religious control freaks often end up in a nightmare of depression.

If you are a woman of God, don’t sell your spiritual birthright by marrying a guy who doesn’t deserve you. Your smartest decision in life is to wait for a man who is sold out to Jesus.

J. Lee Grady

Marital

Why many Christian sisters remain unmarried

Posted on February 24, 2021 by Kofi Tutu

I had the privilege of speaking at a Christian women’s conference over the weekend and among other issues, the question on the lips of majority of the women was, “WHY ARE MANY CHRISTIAN LADIES WAITING FOR SO LONG TO GET A MAN”. I tried my best to answer this question. I felt led to share some of my thoughts for the benefits of some of our Christian sisters who are still waiting for the right man to come. Note: I am a pastor. These are my opinions. I am not forcing them on anyone. Some of my thoughts here are bible based, not culturally based, and some are the wisdom we gathered from mentoring people and from counselling sessions. This is a post for Christians. No feminist must come on my page to insult or attack anyone. If you are not happy with my comments, you may simply walk away or delete them. God bless you.

A lot of Christian women are still waiting because they’ve set for themselves very unrealistic and unattainable standards of the kind of man they are looking for. So, they are masters at wasting opportunities. There are cases of women who said, “if he is not a graduate of Oxford, I can’t deal”. Someone told me that the lady said, “if your salary is not up to this amount, I can’t deal”. I told him that he had not found a wife. Why? The day they fire you, she may dump you. Of course, it’s your life and you can marry whoever you want. But if you are a believer, and have set such a standard, you have shot yourself in the foot. Be wary of the kind of list you are drawing. A lot of women have actually wasted a lot of opportunities that came their way because of their unrealistic list.
A lot of women have got very bad attitudes that push many potential suitors away. Greet them, they reply you with insults. And the christian community is not an exception. Humility is like a perfume. Treat all men with respect. Even if you would never accept someone’s proposal, treat him with respect. He may be a friend to the right man–and his recommendation may be all that will attract that man to you. By God’s grace, it was my recommendation that sealed the deal for a beloved sister in Christ. The potential man asked me if she was a good person and I sealed the deal,. Today they are married. Attitude smells more than perfumes.
Some Christian women have been trapped by their allegiance to their pastor and their church,. We’ve got cases of pastors deliberately standing against marriage to men from other ministries so that the lady won’t leave the church. This is witchcraft. Tens of thousands of Christian women are going through this particular challenge,. They have sold their wills to their pastors, and since there are no suitors in their church, they have remained single and are now in their late 40s and early 50s,. When you are ready to get married, you will open up yourself to believers from anywhere in the body of Christ.
Some cases are actually the result of a demonic affliction. We can’t shy away from that,. There are cases where some women are being held down by a specific demonic opposition and they need to pray and break free from such afflictions. In fact, many of them get suitors, but something will just happen, and the relationship will break down. If you notice such a pattern in your life and 3, 4, 5 men are coming into your life and are dumping you even when you have been very good to them, you need to pray or talk to a matured believer or your pastor
Some cases are self-inflicted. A lot of Christian women are embracing funny cultural biases that put them in direct confrontation with scriptures. To them, the bible is now obsolete. This is 21st century. I cannot submit to any man. I am also a man. So, there are going to be two men in the marriage. I am talking to Christian women now. If you want to operate your marriage using your own model and strategy, and you want to remain a Christian, you will have a lot of problem. You must marry a man you are willing to submit to. Submission is not slavery or dominance or male superiority–all of which are the reasons for some of the abuses we have in marriage. The biblical model of marriage is that the man is the head, and the woman is the helper. Not a slave-master relationship. If you are genuine believer in Christ, and you are looking for a man that you will head or that will share the headship role with you, you will wait for a long time.
Some cases have to do with the physical attributes and looks of the woman. The woman’s body is the first thing that men look at–regardless of how anointed the man is. A lot of Christian men may pretend that they closed their eyes while assessing their wives. But that is a lie., Men are driven by what they can see. Some women are not well kept. They don’t manage their weight and given this, a lot of men are put off,. I have spoken against body-shaming women in several of my teachings. I stand against every form of abuse–including emotional abuse. But truth must be told, if you dont package yourself very well, and look very fit, a lot of men will be put off. Shed some weight; eat well; wear sparkling beautiful & descent clothes and with a right attitude and a good spirit, you will be findable.
Some Christian women are not findable. They spend the whole of their time at work, and then at home and then again, back to work and at home. Where will the man find you? They are not strategically positioned to be found. They don’t socialize. I didnt say you should be going to clubs. I meant relating to people outside of your normal schedule. Joining social groups; Christian committees; Whatsapp groups; community events; weddings, birthday parties, and other online & offline platforms where you meet with people. Some women don’t even have any functioning Facebook page with their pictures. They want to keep a low profile, but yet, are looking for husbands. No man lights a candle and puts it under a bushel. I connected with my wife while she was at a wedding party.
Some Christian women don’t want to leave their comfort zones. The men that are asking you out are based in America, have better jobs than you, but you don’t want to relocate to America because of your circle of friends and social status in the UK. Of course, it is also possible for your husband to relocate to your own place too. But that depends on who has the better profile. He is a manager of a bank in New York, and you are doing a per hr job in Canada. Then, you are asking him to relocate to Canada and abandon his better paying job? Then, you’re not ready to get married. Location has grounded a lot of women. I tell the women in this situation to go on vacation to Nigeria, Ghana and get out of their comfort zones.
Some women have just come out of a very bad experience of abuse from a previous relationship. Some are actually a victim of abuse. Now, to them, all men are bad. Consequently, they don’t open up to suitors. They will frustrate all men that come around them. They will cut the phone on them; insult them; block them on social media and transfer the aggression of a previous relationship to them. Yet, they are still praying for the right man to come. If you are in this condition, you may need to see a psychologist or a mental health consultant to help you overcome these past pains and hurts.
Some cases are simply a product of time. The right time has not come. There is a special assignment for you and God needs you to marry a particular man. If you miss this man, it is a disaster. For these cases, a lot of patience and endurance are needed. This is the situation of a lot of people as well,. You will need to pray to get a unique word from the Lord if you case falls within this scope. This is why believers need to be trained to know how to hear the voice of God. You will need to know whether this is your case or not by praying to hear God.

Above all, the God factor is non negotiable. Remaining prayerful while doing your best as explained above will certainly open you up to a God-fearing relationship. Learning to forgive and moving on will also help you. Have a positive attitude; look good and make yourself to be very smart; be respectful to all men. All men are not devils,. All men are not evil. I am not perfect, but I have never used a foul language against my wife in nearly 15yrs of marriage. Not even, “don’t you think”? Neither has the smallest finger of my hand ever touched her. And there are millions of much better men than me out there. Not all men are evil and terrible. You will be surprised at how things will work out and the right man will locate you if you could only make some little changes here and there.

May every embargo upon your marital breakthrough be destroyed in Jesus name

Marital

You mock married people for not having children, you forget also that you can lose your children all at once

Posted on February 22, 2021 by Kofi Tutu

You mock married people for not having children, you forget also that you can lose your children all at once

You mock single people for not getting married, you forget also that you can lose your spouse and be thrown into the misery of loss and bereavement.

You mock women who don’t have male children, you forget suddenly that you can lose your own male children.

You mock people for dying early forgetting that we’d all die, the only difference is that we don’t know when.

You mock people for their health struggles forgetting that the only difference between you being a social media beggar is that same sickness that can hit you anytime.

You mock people who decide to space their children with talks of menopause and time, you forget that menopause hits everyone too and

You mock people who don’t have money, you forget suddenly that you can make that one financial decision and lose all you have.

My point?

Stop mocking people who don’t seem to have what you have.

Stop shaming people with what they don’t seem to have control over.

You who has it all, doesn’t have it all by your own power or might. If God decides to take away his mercies and grace from us, which one of us can actually stand?

My friend told me of a woman whom she had an argument online with and this woman mocked her of how single she still is at 39. She narrated this with tears in her eyes.

Reminds me of this woman who kept bugging me about children, bragging about how she’s in her late thirties and her children are already adults, how she’s going to relax and enjoy the fruits of her labour even before she gets to fifty.

Well, sadly, she lost two of these adult children. Losing her children made her realize that you don’t brag about such things you have and use them to spite others because you have absolute no power of yours to make this happen.

And when we get to heaven, nobody is going to take a crown for getting married earlier, having adults children before your mates or building your mansions before others.

After her loss, she came to ask for my forgiveness and said she had offended me by constantly bugging me about children. I told her I wasn’t a witch o, me I didn’t eat her children and I was sorry tragedy had to teach her this way. I forgave her but I hope she had learnt her lesson.

Stop using what people have no control over to spite them?! Remember, just like that woman, tragedies can humble you.

Omobolanle Adeyemo

Marital

To the busy men and women in a relationship

Posted on February 20, 2021 by Kofi Tutu

Relationships and Marriages are going to require you to sacrifice your time to communicate and be with the one your say you love.

If you are not ready to make out time for your partner then you are not ready for a relationship or marriage.

Some of you are known to use the word
I am too busy,
I forgot.
You are not understanding that my work takes a lot from me.

These are beautiful excuses but they are worthless. The truth is that we all are busy with life in one way or another but we make out time for what is important to us.

You are busy but you take your bath.
You are busy but you still have time to eat.
You are busy but you still chat.
You are busy but you still wash your clothes.
You are busy but you still sleep.
You are busy but you still hang out with some other friends.

It’s only when it comes to your relationship that you are busy and still busy, even very busy that you can’t make out few minutes to talk to your partner over the phone, leave them a voice note, send a text or even clear some of your schedules and plan a hangout.

Let me tell you this for free until you are ready to make your partner a priority in your life then you are not ready for a relationship or marriage.

Marriage is a full-time job on its own. So if you can’t sacrifice time and other things now in your relationship to be with your partner then you are not ready to make that union work therefore stay away until you are ready.

As a guy, don’t spend months chasing a lady, calling her morning, afternoon, and night but when she finally says yes then you start claiming you are so busy to call or chat.

As a lady don’t keep that guy waiting for a yes and at the same time you call and chat but the moment you agree then you start claiming to be busy.

And to you who is suffering from this right now listen up.

Nobody, i mean not even a single soul is too busy for what they love.

Anybody that really loves you will make out time for you.

If you are not talking at least two times a day and they call you an attention seeker then you are in trouble. They are not passionate about you.

I understand the concept of being an attention seeker but you are not if you hardly talk to each other. You are just demanding for your fundamental relationship right of communication.

(Side note: you are an attention seeker when you are now a pest. You want to talk every minute and second of the day like you don’t have a life of your own outside that relationship. But aside from this, you are not doing anything wrong).

Also know when you leave a sure relationship because of your mental health.

So to you out there claiming busy, just be honest with yourself and with your partner if you truly love them.

If you don’t love them then let them go so they can meet who loves them but if you really love them then learn how to make out time for them.

Work on your time management skill and you will enjoy a better relationship and marriage.

Cheers.

Personal development and Relationship Coach
Profit Eneh

Marital

Facts About Sex Everyone Must Know Especially SIngles

Posted on February 20, 2021 by Kofi Tutu

It’s not abnormal to have sexual urges or feelings. God gave us organs and hormones that would prepare us to have it when it’s stimulated.

You can have safe sex. The media has promoted the use of contraceptives or staying faithful with a partner outside marriage to achieve that, but the truth is that abstinence and staying contented with marital sex is the only safe sex you can ever have.

Meanwhile, you can’t be in an immoral relationship and your chances of falling victim to premarital sex won’t be high.

The likes of kissing, caressing, fondling, and other sexually stimulating activities are nothing but sexual immorality. Don’t play with the fire you can’t extinguish.

Whether you believe it or not, sex does not love. A man can love you without going down there, and a woman can be your friend without luring you for sex. It all depends on the kind of person you’re in a relationship with and your values.

Sex is good. Medical science and researchers have proved its immense benefits for your health and body; but little do they mention when its effect on your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. Sex is only good in marriage, anywhere outside that is abominable and sinful.

Sex is pleasurable and sweet. The moaning, pleasure, orgasm, feelings, and all the effect it leaves you with makes it good for the body, much to be desired and it makes you “feel” like a man or woman.

But…

Sex outside marriage is a sin that God Himself supervises its punishment. You may argue that but it doesn’t change anything; it’s outright evil.

It’s a sin against God who created it. Do you think He’d be happy with you for abusing the purpose of why He created it? He doesn’t understand your ideology that “body no be firewood” as an excuse to indulge in it.

More so, having illicit sex is a sin against your body. Everyone who has sex outside marriage brings shame and dishonor to their bodies. What contraceptive can’t undo or prevent, sex outside marriage would expose you to it.

Having sex outside marriage is a vice that affects society due to the widespread of single parenting, an increase in fornicators and adulterers where bad precedence is laid for the next generation.

Why is the issue of DNA testing and cheating brouhaha becoming trendy news in the media? Because men and women choose to have sex outside marriage or before it.

See…

The devil has hijacked God’s purpose for sex, deceiving many to have it outside marriage so he can use it as a means to recruit their souls into his kingdom of darkness.

How do I mean?

Every illicit sexual act you have is a legal ground for the devil to invade your soul with the demons of sexual perversion and inordinate desire for it.

Now, many are becoming exposed to illicit sex and are defending themselves with reasons that sound like truths but are lies from the pit of hell.

Almost everybody wants to get the feeling of sexual pleasure when they’re not married even down to upcoming children 😜 Nawa o! Some married people aren’t faithful to their spouses anymore because of sex. Kilode?

If the reasons He created sex are despised, then sex becomes abused. Aren’t you an abuser of sex?

Sex is not a Valentine’s Day gift for singles or a means to appreciate what someone has done for you.

The prevalent longing for sexual intimacy and its involvement in almost all opposite-sex relationships has made many grown wild in the pursuit of their lustful passion which contradicts God’s instructions.

Now that many do not want to acknowledge God in their knowledge concerning sex, He gave them over to a reprobate mind to do those things that are not sensible.

In case you don’t know, God created sex and the “how” and “when” it should be done. Lawmakers do not create it even if they legalize the perverted forms, neither do scientists or psychologists have a final say over it.

You can only be satisfied sexually in marriage by submitting to God’s word on sexual matters, embrace chastity, then stay away from sexual pleasure outside marriage.

And singles can embrace the discipline of chastity depending on the association they keep, their mindset, or the choice they make; but remember that every choice has its consequence.

But to be honest, it’s difficult to embrace chastity in this present clime, but with the fear of God, understanding, discipline, and determination, you can do it.

Where are singles who have vowed to have their first-time sex only on their wedding night? Unfortunately, many are fast-breaking their purity vows because of the temptation and loneliness that comes with being single.

Satisfaction from sexual pleasure will never come with that sister or brother, a whore, a side chick, a sugar mummy, a sugar boy, your boyfriend or girlfriend. It will only come with your husband or wife in marriage.

Hear this, having too many sexual partners and undue exposure to it steals sexual contentment in marriage, instead of bringing it. It would be difficult for you to stay faithful in marriage when you have fragmented your soul with many sexual partners before marriage.

Resolve to be faithful today, for yourself and your spouse and you’ll save your home and society from the evils of sexual discontent.

May God help you to be sexually content as married couples and to embrace chastity as singles so you won’t be deceived by the lies of the enemy that destroys.

Marital

Poison that kills men

Posted on February 15, 2021 by Kofi Tutu

Once upon a time a beautiful girl got tired of her marriage life and wanted to murder her spouse.

One morning she ran to her mother and say to her ” mother, I am tired of my husband I can no longer support his nonsense. I want to kill him but I am afraid Law of the land will hold me responsible, can you please help me mother?”

The mother answered:

Yes my daughter I can help you, but, there is a little task attached.

The daughter asked “what task? I am willing and ready to assume any task attached in order to get him out”

OK, said the mother,

1..You will have to make peace with him, so that no one will suspect you when he is dead.

2.. You will have to beautify yourself in order to look young and attractive to him

3.. You have to take good care of him and be very nice and appreciative to him

4.. You have to be patient, loving and less jealous, have more listening ears, be more respectful and obedient

Spend your money for him and don’t get angry even when he rto give you money for whatever
Don’t raise your voice against but encourage Peace and love so that you will never be suspected when he must have died.

Can you do all of that?
Asked the mother.
Yes i can. She replied
OK, said the mother.

Take this powder and pour a bit in his every day meal, it will slowly kill him.

After 30 days the lady came back to her mother and said.

Mother, I have no intention of killing my husband again. As of now I have grown to love him because he has completely changed, he is now a very sweet husband than I ever imagined.

What can i do to stop the poison from killing him?

Please help me mother.

She pleaded in a sorrowful tone.

The mother answered;
Do not worry my daughter. What I gave you the other day was just Tumeric Powder. It will never kill him.

In reality, you were the poison that was slowly killing your husband with tension and dispassion.

It was when you started loving, honouring and cherishing him that you saw him change to a nice and sweet husband.

Men are not really wicked, but our way of relating with them determines their responses and feelings towards us.

Women if you can only show respect, dedication, love, care and commitment to your husband he will 100% be there for you.

Marital

Why some women and men are not happy in their marriage

Posted on February 11, 2021 by Kofi Tutu

THEY MARRIED FOR THE WRONG REASONS
Either because they got pregnant, they got pressured, they did it to fit in society, for money, to please their parents or out of pity or obligation to the one they married. The why of getting married will always catch up with you. Love is what will not only keep you married but also keep you fulfilled in marriage. If you did marry for the wrong reasons, be determined to grow love
THEY DIDN’T COUNT THE COST
Before you venture into anything, make sure you understand what you’re getting into. Many don’t measure their expectations well. Marriage will not always be easy, sometimes there will be storms; that is why it requires commitment. If you don’t prepare yourself, the storms will overwhelm you
THEY ARE CONTROL FREAKS
People who always have to have their way, things always have to be done as they want or who always have to win will not enjoy marriage. Being a control freak will make it hard for your spouse to live and build with you. Marriage will not always dance to your tune. Marriage needs team work
THEY HAVE TURNED MARRIAGE INTO A GENDER BATTLE
People who approach marriage from the angle of their being men’s roles vs women’s roles will turn their marriage into a battle between them and their spouse. They will easily detach themselves when they feel an area in their marriage is not their role, leading to keeping scores in order to prove who between husband and wife is doing better and who is wrong. Marriage is about oneness. He fails, she fails; she succeeds, he succeeds. Marriage is not a clash of him vs she
LACK OF PRAYER
Marriage is God’s idea so why do it without God? Oh what peace we often forfeit, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer
THEY HAVE TURNED MARRIAGE INTO A COMPETITION
Before there was Keeping up the Kardashians, there was Keeping up with the Joneses which was a phrase coined to mean the desire to keep up with your neighbour. Many married people are like this. They are competing with other marriages or playing catch up. They see their neighbour has bought a second car, so they buy a second car too merely to show they are capable too. They take loans, pile up their debt, buy unnecessary things, buy unnecessary gifts for their children just so that they feel at par with their contemporaries. Any marriage that lacks a solid identity will fall for this trap. This rat race leads to unhappiness and a meaningless marriage
THEY ARE INSECURE
When you are insecure, you feel that your position is always under threat. This gets its roots from having a low self-esteem. Insecurity will make you feel you are not good enough hence the need to stamp your authority and prove your worth. This is why some men beat up their wives, this is why some find themselves telling their spouse “You don’t know who you’re messing with”, “Do you know who I am?”, “Leo utajua mimi ni nani”. Insecurity will make you suspect your spouse and accuse your spouse falsely. Insecurity will make you worry, become over protective choking your spouse’s social life and space. It will make you a snoop, waiting for your spouse to slip up in order to validate your paranoia. Your worth will constantly be on trial; leading to no peace
THEY ARE RIGID
Marriage, life is a journey. If you are too uptight, you will not fully live out life’s adventure. Stop living such a scripted life, stop living in a box. Because of this, many have a pathetic sex life in marriage, they feel life is boring and feel caged. Be open sexually, laugh, dance, take risks with your spouse, go for a drive, travel, go out on dates, do embarrassing stuff, stop being so polished, play games, have fun
THEY COPY-PASTE
Each marriage is unique and has its own story. When you try and force your marriage to be like that of your role models, mentors, friends, celebrity icons, parents; you and your spouse will be frustrated. Yes, learn the principles that make any marriage work but find your pattern, style and story as a couple
THEY HOLD GRUDGE
In marriage, you will be wronged by your spouse and you too will fall short sometimes, this is because marriage is a process of growth as you both become better. If you fail to forgive your spouse, holding a grudge, constantly reminding your spouse of his/her past wrongs; the climate between you two will be cold and pathetic. Why would you cloud the marriage you are a part of for life? Forgive. Move on from issues. Don’t keep opening up old wounds
TOO MANY VOICES
When you listen and live by too many voices you will never be at peace. You have no voice of your own but get manipulated by others. Your mom tells you this, your friends tell you that, rumors making you feel a certain way, your close friends say you do this. Why are you letting your marriage be run by outsiders? Why are you being a puppet in your marriage controlled by people who think they know what is best for you and your spouse?
LACK OF AGREEMENT
Every marriage will face the same issues. The strong couples are the wise ones who as husband and wife, they agree on how they will handle those issues: Finances, work, in-laws, communication, children and such. Sometimes it is not that your spouse is insensitive, lazy or difficult; it is just that you two have not agreed on how to handle issues. When the agreement is clear, loving and teamwork is easier. Come to this agreement when things are good between you two and as you grow along. Don’t wait for crisis to bring you to the table of agreement. How can two walk together unless they agree?
THEY SEPARATE PARENTHOOD FROM MARRIAGE
Don’t succeed in being a great parent yet fail as a spouse. You, your spouse and children live in one house; act as a family. When you are a great spouse, it translates to a loving home where the child/children feel safe, surrounded by love and secure. When you are a great parent, that should bring you and your spouse more together. Find a balance
THEY COVET OTHER MARRIAGES
There is no way you will belittle your marriage and praise the marriage of others and expect to be happy in your marriage. When you look at other couples and complain to your spouse why your marriage is not like theirs; essentially you are undermining your own and making your spouse feel unappreciated. It has nothing to do with the grass being greener on the other side, other people’s marriages are none of your business; work on your own
THEY ENTERTAIN DISTRACTIONS
Don’t flirt with other people, entertain their advances, emotionally cheat on your spouse by leaning on others; then expect to be happy in your marriage. Invest all your effort, emotions and creativity in your marriage. Even pornography is a form of distraction; you lust after bodies and sexual experiences with strangers that slowly mislead your desires from your spouse. Your marriage will grow according to how you feed it or deteriorate according to how you starve it
THEY ARE UNWILLING TO LEARN
Love is a learning process. Marriage will teach you many lessons. Marriage will present to you opportunities to be a better person, to learn how to be more loving, how to listen, how to give, how to apologize. If you are full of pride you will never learn, you will never grow, you will never be fulfilled in marriage

Marital

She almost lost her husband because she was a bad cook

Posted on February 9, 2021February 9, 2021 by Kofi Tutu

She gets up while it is still night. She provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.
Proverbs 31:15 NIV

One of the women that came for counselling told me how she almost lost her husband to a strange woman because she was not only a bad cook but also lazy to cook!

Her husband likes different types of soup/food instead of the regulars and does not like eating out. He had been complaining about his dear wife’s food with love and respect but she ignored it and always gave him excuses until her husband stopped eating at home. This issue almost destroyed their marriage.

Her husband started eating out so that he won’t bother his wife again. When the woman discovered that she was gradually loosing her dear husband, she adjusted and went straight to a catering school! Today, she is not only an irresistible cook but also a highly sought after caterer!

Her husband who had stopped eating at home for over five months, repented and started eating at home and the strange woman has been kicked out of their matrimonial home forever. No doubt, she is a wise woman

True, there are little things we overlook in marriage that matters a lot. If you don’t love cooking or you can’t cook as a sister, marriage is not the next thing but cooking training.

If you hate to cook as a single lady, there are so many single guys out there who don’t believe a wife should cook. Please find one and get married to him. You can’t hate cooking and be getting married to a man who wants a good cook.

It is not right if your husband and children still visit “mama put” regularly because you are a bad cook or you are too lazy to cook.

Single lady, if the only thing you can cook is white rice and noodles, you need urgent counselling. See me after service today! 😆. Go and learn how to prepare good food.

Lastly, sister, when you get married, please know that your kitchen is not a “prayer room”. It is where food is prepared/cooked. Be a great cook because beauty is not enough to turn an hungry husband to a smiling lover.

Yes, beauty fades but hunger doesn’t. Romance, love, cat-walking, good grammar, good grade or spirituality can not turn an empty big pot to correct Egusi, Ogbono or Vegetable soup with pounded yam even if you fast for seven days. Of course, speaking in tongues doesn’t turn raw rice to fried rice. Knowing how to cook good food is not a gift, it is a decision to learn. Any lady can become a good cook if she is willing to learn.

Note that a man you feed well is a man who cannot get fed up with you. When another woman begins to cook and feed your husband, be ready to lose him because one of the ways to a man’s heart is through good food whether you agree or not.

Be a great cook, wives. Men like good food. You can’t afford not to be a great cook. If you don’t know how to prepare good meals, learn from other women who cook better.

Ask your husband what he wants you to do better in your cooking. Don’t be shy to ask questions.

Cook his food promptly. Serve him in a special way. Treat him like a king. Always eat together.

Don’t allow your housemaid to cook your husband’s food, because a man falls in love with the hand that feeds him. (Proverbs 31:14-15).

Cook healthy, delicious and timely meal food for him. Serve your husband as your king.👩‍🍳👩‍💼 Special plates are for your husband, not for your pastor or visitors.

Don’t just cook his food alone, serve it specially. Don’t delegate it to someone else. Treat him like a VIP. Treat him like a special guest on the dining table.

As a wife, how good are you in the kitchen? Make sure you don’t fail in your kitchen ministry. 😊

Note: A man should also learn how to prepare good meals too as it is not solely the responsibility of a woman. Almost every woman will appreciate it if her husband prepares a wonderful meal for the family once in a while.

God bless your marriage.

Instagram: samuelolagbenjo

Marital

Some warning signals you must pay attention to in your relationship!

Posted on February 8, 2021February 8, 2021 by Kofi Tutu

ANGER: If he/she easily gets angry when you have a little misunderstanding, he/she doesn’t tolerate jokes, be conscious before you committed to him/her.

THREATENING YOU: If he/she threatening to leave you when you have a little argument, he/she will threatening and may leave you in marriage, be wise.

BEATING YOU: If he beat you up every time, if he slaps you during an argument, he will do the worst in marriage. Be wise.

LACK OF COMMUNICATION: If you are the only one that does all the calling, caring, messaging, texting… It depicts that you are forcing yourself on him/her. A man/woman that truly loves you will show it through his/her actions, he/she will not make excuses, they will find time to connect with you no matter how busy their schedule is. He/she will see you as their priority…Be sensitive.

WOMANIZER: If he womanizes, if you always see him with different girls, if he cheats on you on countless occasions, he may not change if you marry him. Look well before you leap.

HIDING YOU: If he/she hides you if he/she is not proud of you, if he/she fails to introduce you to his friends and family, it possible you are not his/her only option… Be wise.

MUMMY’S BOY/MUMMY’S GIRL: If he/she is a Mummy’s boy/girl, if he/she can’t make decisions by himself/herself, if he/she must consult his/her mum at all times before he/she can talk to you, his/her mum will influence him/her in marriage. Be wise.

LACK OF MATURITY: If he/she still behaves like a child, if he/she is not mature Spiritually, Emotionally, Mentally, Financially, etc. Marriage is not for kids, marriage is for mature. Be wise.

LACK OF VISION: If he/she doesn’t have visions, goals, and dreams, such a man/woman can not be responsible, you will be the one taking all the responsibility if you marry him/her. A woman without vision will be a liability to a man, and a man with no vision will be a burden to a woman and will not be responsible… Be wise.

LIES/DECEIT: A man that lies and a woman that lies in courtship will lie in marriage if he/she is not a transparent type if he/she is a deceptive person, my dear you will have a problem with him/her in marriage. Be wise.

LACK OF FRIENDSHIP: If he/she is a serious type, you can’t joke or play with him/her, if you are not free with him/her now that you are in courtship you will not be free with him/her in marriage. Be wise.

ALWAYS DEMAND SEX: If what he want from you is sex, if he claims to love you because you always give him sex, he only lusts after you, he did not love you. After eating you, he will discard you like garbage. Given him sex to prove your love for him is an act of foolishness. Don’t be a fool sister.

If she always comes to you for sexual satisfaction, she sees you as her sexual mate, she always demands sex, hmm! You may not be able to satisfy her in marriage, more so, marriage is more than just sex, my dear brother, be wise, sex may be the only thing she will be able to offer in marriage. Be sensitive.

BUYING YOU WITH MONEY AND MATERIAL THINGS: If he spends lavishly on you, he always keeps you sort and silent you with gifts, he takes you out on a date on regular basis. When he’s wrong, he always buys you gifts to makeup, nothing is wrong with everything I listed up there, but make him’s not buying you with money. Don’t be blindfolded with money and material things. Be sensitive and be a wise sister.

IF HE/SHE LOVE YOU BECAUSE OF MONEY: If a lady loves you because of money and material things she gets from you, any time the money is finished or you have a financial challenge she will abandon you and go for another rich guy. Be wise.

If he loves you because you are a working-class lady, you lavish money on him and he claims he loves you, the day he demanded something you are unable to provide will be the last day of your relationship, be wise.

If he or she turns you to ATM, he/she constantly withdraws from you without depositing positively into your life, hmm! Love is reciprocal, be sensitive.

LACK OF FORGIVENESS: If he/she lacks forgiveness, if he/she always finds it hard to forgive, my dear, think twice before you take her to the altar, think twice before you say I Do. Marriage requires constant and instant forgiveness.

SELF-CENTERED: If he/she always thinks about himself/herself, he/she doesn’t consider how you feel, he/she can not make sacrifices for you, … such a man/woman is dangerous. Be wise.

LACK OF FEAR OF GOD: A man/woman that did not fear God can easily be used by the devil, he/she will not think twice before embarking on an evil journey, harming you will not be hard for him/her such a person is devilish, be warned.

SOMEONE THAT PROMISE TO CHANGE BUT HE/SHE NEVER CHANGE: Beware of a man/woman who promises to change his/her bad habit but never deed, Don’t agree to marry him/her hoping that he/she will change in marriage, marriage doesn’t change anybody, except the person willingly change by himself/herself. Don’t take the risk. Be wise.

A MAN/WOMAN THAT ALWAYS GIVES EXCUSS:
A man/woman that is not responsible will always give an excuse, a guy/lady that loves you will not give an excuse. Someone that truly loves you will find time out of his or her busy schedule to connect with you… Be sensitive.

LACK OF PEACE AND REST OF MIND:
If you don’t have peace and rest of mind in your relationship something is wrong somewhere, if you don’t have peace and rest of mind with him/her it is a serious warning sign that you should never overlook… Be sensitive!

OFF AND ON TYPE: Some guys/ladies are off and on, they will be available today and vanished to thin air later, they will come back to you and go again, if your partner is off and on it shows that he/she did not know what they want, stop wasting your precious time on such person. Move on.

OVER JEALOUS PERSON:
Someone that is over jealous will overreacts and misbehave, such a person can destroy or damage things out of anger, such a person can murder someone out of jealousy. Pay attention to this, it’s very important.

LACK OF CONTENTMENT: Someone that doesn’t appreciate little things will not value big things. If he/she is not content with you or the things you give him/her, the habit will continue in marriage, be conscious of this…

There are many warning signs and signals you must not overlook in your relationship. Pay attention to them.

Choose who you want to spend the rest of your life with care and wisely.

God will order your steps in Jesus’ Name.

Rachealvoice

Marital

How to make your fiance’s mother love and accept you.

Posted on January 30, 2021 by Kofi Tutu

Be sure you are right for her son, if you are not, she will know and will not accept you.

Mothers have very strong intuition about their children especially godly mothers. She knows a million miles off if your motive for her son is to make his life better or worse.

Contribute meaningfully into her son’s life!

Ladies who only agree to marry a man because he has a car and lives in a choice apartment without contributing anything whatsoever to his life except reap where they have not sown should not expect the mother-in-law to-be give them the green card!

Your role in man’s life is to help him achieve greatness not suck all the element of greatness out of him.

If his life has changed noticeably since he met you, she will know and love you for it.

Show her utmost respect.

It’s not easy birthing, training and raising the adult you fell in love with and wants to marry. She deserves kudos for a good job well done. Respect, honour and appreciate her for being a great mother.

Call her often.

When you visit (not on the first visit), buy her gifts.

Assist with chores if you meet her doing something when you visit.

Genuinely love her from the depth of your heart.

Genuinely love her son.

Respect her son.

Speak well of her son.

Tell her the qualities you love about her son and appreciate her for training him well.

Ask God to give you favor in her sight.

Ask God to give you wisdom on how best to relate with her.

Overlook her weaknesses. Your mum has some too.

Tell your fiance things you like about his mother.

Learn her language if you are from a different tribe and endeavor to speak the little you know whenever you are with her.

Always dress decently.

Avoid local or international gossip.

Always speak with wisdom.

Do not answer questions you are not asked.

Be patient with her if she is slow at accepting you. She is studying you. She needs to be sure you are really the r
ight person for her son.

Do not be judgmental.

Smile always.

Carry God with you every time.

Believe you will be favoured and you will.

Not all mothers in-law are evil.

Set the right foundation for your marriage.

If you can win her love in courtship and continue to win her love into marriage and never stop being a virtuous woman, your marriage to her son will be nothing short of heaven on earth.

May your marriage be sweet!
Thanks for reading. God bless you. Cheers!